How are Men and Women Really Doing in the Bedroom?

        A Pittsburgh Western Psychiatric sex study involving 100 happy and very happily married heterosexual couples (who were NOT in therapy but who consciously or unconsciously  knew that they needed some help in the bedroom) found that:
        A. 50% of the women had difficulty becoming aroused.
        B. 46% of the women had difficulty achieving orgasm.
        C. 15% of women were unable to achieve orgasm under any circumstances.
        D.  33% of the men experienced problems with premature ejaculation
        E.  52% of men between the ages of 40-70 reported problems with erectile dysfunction.
         If this is what is going on in the bedrooms of couples who describe their marriages as happy or very happy, one can only imagine the sexual difficulties that couples are experiencing whose marriages are less than satisfying.  In fact, I see couples of all ages and stages in life who rarely if ever have sex!
         Did you know that there are 10 reasons why people have  problems in the bedroom?   Unless all of these issues are fully explored and acknowledged, addressed and resolved, sex (and orgasm) will continue to be a major source of frustration and disappointment for the majority of men and women.  Women's bodies and (men's for that matter) are simply not light switches.
          1.  We need to be in a healthy emotional and physical state if we plan on having a good relationship, sexual or otherwise with anyone.    Knowledge, address and resolve  issues including: depression, anxiety, stress, low self-esteem,  eating disorders, lack of sexual desire, substance abuse, early child sexual abuse, religious beliefs, etc.  All of these issues effect SEXUAL DESIRE and the ability to 'let go' and achieve orgasm.  We also need to be comfortable with our own bodies and comfortable exploring our own bodies in order to determine what does and what doesn't arouse us.  How can we expect our partners to know what we like and don't like, if we don't know ourselves!
          2.  Our relationships (especially for the majority of women)  must be healthy and satisfying if we are to enjoy a satisfying sexual relationship. If we are not feeling close and safe and if we don't feel that our partner cares about us (sexually and emotionally) , most women will have difficulty achieving orgasm.   This is why women are finding 'hook-up sex so disappointing and sexually frustrating.  I routinely receive emails from college women who are surprised that they are not having satisfying sex and orgasms with their hook-up partners.  My response to them is, "why would you be surprised when you are with someone who you don't really know.  And why would you think that  a'hook-up' would really care about whether you were sexually satisfied or not."?  
          3.  Sexual side effects of a multitude of prescription medications including SSRI’s, hi blood pressure medication, cholesterol medications, etc. can make it virtually impossible to be able to achieve orgasm.  These medicines NUMB us out in our genital area.  We need to speak with our doctors.  A small change in dose and family of medication can make all the difference in the world.
          4.  Sexual side effects of alcohol, pot, cocaine, etc.  These drugs do and can effect our ability to orgasm.
          5.  Challenges of illnesses and physical problems including:   cancer, heart disease, hysterectomy  pelvic pain, etc.  We can always touch, kiss and caress.   
          6.  Menopause and Hormone replacement for men and women.  As women's estrogen and progesterone and testosterone levels drop, so does our desire for sex, and our ability to achieve orgasm. SPEAK to your doctor about this.
          7.  Erectile dysfunction.  Get a diagnosis.  Is there nerve damage, blocked vessels, depression, performance anxiety, alcohol, drugs?  The good news:  Levitra, cialis, viagra, vacuum device, implants, injections, sensate focus, etc.
          8.  Premature ejaculation.  Fairly easy to resolve this issue.  TECHNIQUES, NUMBING CREAMS, etc.
          9.  What do women want sexually?  EMOTIONAL FOREPLAY and sufficient physical foreplay, including manual and oral stimulation.  Most women require between 15-20 minutes of physical foreplay before being sufficiently aroused and ready to have intercourse.
        10.  Be adventurous.  Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.  The importance of communication.  Vibrators, porn, lubricants.  Whatever turns you on !
        11.  Make dates for sex.  If you are always waiting for the ‘perfect’ time, it may rarely if ever happen.    The Nike commercial’s message was powerful.......Just DO IT!!!!  It’s amazing what can happen.

  See also: Learning Annex talk with Beatty Cohan on "How to Put the Sizzle in Your Sex Life" on Youttube!         .

How to put the Sizzle in Your Sex Life - Part 1  

How to put the Sizzle in Your Sex Life - Part 2

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